The First Image Was Supposed To Be A GIF But Then It Didn’t Work And I Hate Computers And You

bleh stupid

I’ve been a really big fan of not thinking or doing anything lately, so I was a little upset when above would-be-GIF got fucked up and stopped moving after hours of hard work. When I say “hours of hard work,” I really mean about 10-15 minutes of clicking buttons and then giving up and taking my itchy pants off, but you get what I mean. In retrospect, above image looks kind of cool-ish, but only if you’re high or drunk or my third grade math teacher who blindly supports this blog no matter what I post, so please get high or drunk or become my third grade math teacher and then revisit this post.

Because of aforementioned laziness, I’ve been dressing in a basic uniform of unwashed black pants and light sweater lately. This is, of course, when it isn’t freezing here. When it’s too cold, I either stay in my room and tell friends I have mono so they don’t bother me, or I take my sheets and comforter, wrap them around my body with a bungee cord, and walk around school like I hate myself. (Hint: I do hate myself.)

dumbP.S. I’m wearing the same sweater two posts down how cool am I

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Insights

erjgn

School was cancelled for tomorrow, which means that I’m basically going to sit in my bed for the rest of the night and moisturize my elbows. But because the elbows don’t require constant attention (well, they do, but I don’t give it to them), I started writing the following insights. These are the types of things that keep me up at night, tossing and turning and wondering why the world doesn’t make more sense.

1.I will probably never get to meet the inventor of Pop Tarts and tell him/her how much crazy shit I’ve done with Pop Tarts.

2.How weird it sounds when people refuse to use contractions in their writing. In other words, why “you are a fucking bitch” is so much less effective than its contracted counterpart, “you’re a fucking bitch.”

3.Why you have to clean cups using water after all you’ve used them for is to drink water.

4.How fucked up the oil industry is.

5.How we wear shoes called “Vans” but we don’t drive cars called “Shoes.”

6.The fact that I’m not a world power yet, but Fox News is still in business.

7.Again, the fact that Fox News is still in business.

8.Will we still call modern architecture modern in 300 years?

9.The fact that persons over 400 pounds are considered a fire hazard in some apartments in DC. (That’s a lie, but it would be interesting if it weren’t).

10.Every picture looks like a dick if you cover it with your dick.

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Deflowering

ggfw

My typical Friday afternoon includes going to Trader Joe’s and pretending I’m blind so that the workers help me find everything I need. But this Friday I decided to refrain from being an asshole and instead went to the Botanic Gardens. Once there, I basically just sat on things I wasn’t supposed to sit on and tried to steal a cactus but then didn’t because my moral compass said “stop, don’t do that” and so did one of the guards. On an unrelated note, I really want to get on birth control to see what it does to my body.

Botanic Bitch

ROIDSbnebnrhww

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My Muse

evevw

Since the Internet is limitless and I have too much time on my hands, I often find myself searching for really specific images or items of clothing. Last week, I didn’t sleep for two nights in a row because I was looking for silk kimonos on Etsy and then got sidetracked by an exotic pets website that was selling some really illegal animals at blowout prices. Today, I’ve found myself in the depths of Tumblr hell, scouring for pictures of my recurring muse: the witch.

Though most people only take out their brooms and caldrons for Halloween, I’ve found room for witch wear in everyday life, usually by way of flowy shirts or black nails.

Witch 2

The runway seems to appreciate necromancers, too. Hedi Slimane’s SS13 collection for Saint Laurent (right) was filled to the brimstone with dark cloaks, oversized hats, and an air of will-the-models-cast-spells-on-the-front-row-by-the-end-of-the-show. Stéphane Rolland’s FW13 collection (left) elicited similar feelings, with satin capes, bright white collars, and slicked back hair.

Witch3

 I found above photos on the trusty Tumblr, where I search things like “posing like a witch but not actually a witch,” “witches that are beautiful,” and “dark clothing that is see through but doesn’t show vagina.”

Witch boy

And then, of course, there’s me, trying to become an every day witch via turtlenecks that I raise above my head and seductive poses in victorian buildings.

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Lil Cuties

Lil Cutie Bags

I’ve always been a fan of miniaturized objects. If I could, I would sell everything I own and amass a huge collection of the mini shampoo bottles at CVS, but my mom says that I need to start spending money on important things like “food” and “water.” Since I can’t bury myself in a limitless pool of mini shampoos, I’ve directed my attention to one of fashion’s newest obsessions: baby handbags. For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved classic bags; a caviar leather Chanel bag, or something of the Hermès variation. Now, though, instead of going jumbo, I’m directing my cute lil eyes to everything that is small. For guys who want to carry a bag but don’t need to pack their life in it, investing a small portion of one’s life savings into a baby Celine or Givenchy bag might be a really good idea. Above are some of my favorites (from left, clockwise): Givenchy Pandora, Phillip Lim Pashli, Celine Trio, Valentino Rockstud, Chanel Boy, Proenza Schouler PS11, and Givenchy Obsedia.

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