There’s nothing like winter break. It allows me to take time that could be used productively, and transfer it into valuable trips to 7-11 at three in the morning alone to buy magazines and water. Last night, I actually brought justice to the world, though, and I feel pretty good about it. At approximately 9 p.m., I was driving north on [insert name of road here] when I had to come to a nearly complete stop due to a slow moving Audi in front of me. My immediate reaction? Fuck dis shit. My reaction after reviewing it in my mind? Fuck dis shit, dis person is drunk. So I called the police because the slow moving vehicle was swerving and trying to turn right into a construction zone that eventually leads to an abrupt drop off and an unforgiving cliff. So, as I’m calling the police, the whore turns right and I keep following her and then as I’m giving her license plate to the police, she runs into a parked car and I’m like THIS IS SOME JERRY SPRINGER SHIT. So I get out of my car and the police arrive and the lady is drunk as fuck and stumbling in her fur vest and all I could say was “I like your fur vest” because it really was a nice fur vest. I hope some of your jail mates liked the fur vest as much as I did. Oops. Above pictures have nothing to do with said events, only I’m sure if you get creative you could draw some comparisons. For one, I advise that you get drunk and then look at the pictures and see how that makes you feel. Or, of course, let’s just all pretend I was drunk when taking these photos because, let’s be honest, I feel like I’m always on drugs.