New Year, New Nothing

I feel like every blogger will start his or her post today with the line “Happy New Year.” In an effort to break with the norm, I will start with this: Hello and good morning. I hope everyone had a great night and none of my readers died. That would be sucky. I currently have a headache which is entirely coincidental because I didn’t drink last night. But I’m sure people everywhere are waking up feeling sick as fuck from excessive alcohol consumption and lack of sleep. Above, I am photographed in a green rugby shirt that makes me feel like an athlete which is a joke because I certainly do not engage in “sports.” Of course, my new Alexander McQueen sneakers are on the foot region.